Wednesday, August 25, 2010

During a time of challenge with my almost 3 year old I sought council from a friend who has 5 children.

I learned alot in that 1/2 hr conversation.

My little girl was showing signs of anger and rebellion. Yes, two year olds are labeled as 'terrible' but this situation had a power behind it that was beyond what I even had imagined.

We PRAYED. We had our Pastor and Elders PRAY over her, we prayed more. It was ugly. I was in tears and didn't know what had happened to my little girl, how we got to this place and how to get out of it.

Here is what I learned.

My friend's words were.
"This is a time of restoration. Stop all chastisement (for a time) and show her LOVE. Respond differently to her."

Boy was that hard. The behaviors that were so disruptive to our home demanded some sort of correction. But I listened to my friend. I stopped chastising for the rebellion. I spoke softly to her. I sat on the floor more with her. I remained calm.

There was only one thing I would chastise for. Not coming when I called her name.
We practiced (and still do). "When mommy calls your name I want you to come to me and say, 'Okay mom, I am coming!' okay? I will go over here and you wait for me to call you."
For a week we did not leave our house. These issues can not be dealt with when in public can going out so much only allowed these habits to linger on. But that is a post for another day.

Each time she came to me when we practiced, she would get a reward. Sometimes it was an M&M, sometimes a hug, sometimes a high 5! The positive attention was winning back my little girl. I told her. "When you don't obey and don't come when I call you, I will spank you." Rarely does that even happen anymore. I say rarely. I know we will have to keep practicing!

Now, those other deviance's and rebellion do still show up. So instead of spanking her, my friend suggested time out in a confined area. Her bed was too much freedom. She would get out and throw things. The couch was too much freedom. She would flop her body all over and kick and get off the couch.
The solution was an extra 5 point harness car seat we had in storage. I would fasten her in every time there was a blow up. She would stay there until she was calm and her heart was willing to apologize for the offense.

It is working! Thanks be to our Lord who hears our prayers!

The time outs aren't lasting near as long as they used to. (At one time it lasted an hour and a half!

I have also learned that you can't make a child do anything. It really is all about relationship.

Some things we just need to learn on our own. But I thank God for women/moms who are willing to share their time and wisdom with me.
Thank you Julie!


Marta Jeremy Emily and Abigail said...

Oh my word! You are describing the relationship I have with my 3.5 year old. IDENTICAL. Thank you Thank you Thank you for posting this. I'm going to work from this angle because there is definitely a breech in the relationship and so much defiance that if I deal with it all she's constantly in trouble. And all she sees me as is a negative force in her life.

Please update us with how to go back to dealing with rebellion again.

Shaper of Little Souls said...

Isn't it nice to know we are not alone? I will post more later. I am learning lots at this time in our parenting journey.
Please email me if there is something specific you would like to talk about.
In the heat of this I was really wishing there was something called 'toddler/preschool police' so they could interveen. It dawned on me then that I need to talk to her creator!

lyssa said...

We've been practicing the "when mommy calls, you say, yes mom, and come running" speech as well! Sometimes he gets it...sometimes he hides under the dining room table wearing hot pink goggles because apparently he believes they have invisibility powers. Sigh.
Stopped by thru THL to say hi!
Melyssa from

Melissa + Tiffany @ Home Grown Families said...

I'm sorry about the behavior issues! I HATE dealing with that stuff! But, thank you so much for giving me a different way to look at it... I have some thinking to do.
Thanks for linking up at the Friday Blog Hop!
We're following you now!


really - spanking a 3 year old (or any person young or old). do you get spanked when you disobey? last time I checked the Lord did not have a paddle in his hand but forgiveness, mercy and understanding!!

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