A Reminder for those Difficult Days.

On a particularly tough day with little kids and house of chaos, I sought the support and encouragement from friends. This is one of the responses that touched my heart and brought things back into perspective. I hope it blesses you as it has blessed me.

One day my mother walked into the family room and found most of the Cheerios box dumped out all over the floor. My brother was messing around with something he shouldn't have been, and I was sitting in the middle of the floor with my hand in the Cheerios box. We were about 3 and 4 years old. As she told the story later, she asked herself, "Should I cry now? Should I scold? Or ... should I take a picture?" She took a picture. (This was unlike her. Usually she cried or yelled.) She sat and ate Cheerios with us. Eventually, I suppose she vacuumed them up.


I still have that picture she took of the chaos. I love that picture. That house is long gone. Cheerios are long since cleaned up. My awesome brother and his lovely wife live in a different state. My mother died when I was a teenager, long ago. She was not a perfect mother. Still, I miss her, and I wish she were here. Well, she's not, but I do still have that picture. I'm so glad she chose that option -- admit you don't know what to do, and instead of crying or yelling or scolding about it, take a picture and just sit for a minute. Have a handful of Cheerios.

During a time of challenge with my almost 3 year old I sought council from a friend who has 5 children.

I learned alot in that 1/2 hr conversation.

My little girl was showing signs of anger and rebellion. Yes, two year olds are labeled as 'terrible' but this situation had a power behind it that was beyond what I even had imagined.

We PRAYED. We had our Pastor and Elders PRAY over her, we prayed more. It was ugly. I was in tears and didn't know what had happened to my little girl, how we got to this place and how to get out of it.

Here is what I learned.

My friend's words were.
"This is a time of restoration. Stop all chastisement (for a time) and show her LOVE. Respond differently to her."

Boy was that hard. The behaviors that were so disruptive to our home demanded some sort of correction. But I listened to my friend. I stopped chastising for the rebellion. I spoke softly to her. I sat on the floor more with her. I remained calm.

There was only one thing I would chastise for. Not coming when I called her name.
We practiced (and still do). "When mommy calls your name I want you to come to me and say, 'Okay mom, I am coming!' okay? I will go over here and you wait for me to call you."
For a week we did not leave our house. These issues can not be dealt with when in public can going out so much only allowed these habits to linger on. But that is a post for another day.

Each time she came to me when we practiced, she would get a reward. Sometimes it was an M&M, sometimes a hug, sometimes a high 5! The positive attention was winning back my little girl. I told her. "When you don't obey and don't come when I call you, I will spank you." Rarely does that even happen anymore. I say rarely. I know we will have to keep practicing!

Now, those other deviance's and rebellion do still show up. So instead of spanking her, my friend suggested time out in a confined area. Her bed was too much freedom. She would get out and throw things. The couch was too much freedom. She would flop her body all over and kick and get off the couch.
The solution was an extra 5 point harness car seat we had in storage. I would fasten her in every time there was a blow up. She would stay there until she was calm and her heart was willing to apologize for the offense.

It is working! Thanks be to our Lord who hears our prayers!

The time outs aren't lasting near as long as they used to. (At one time it lasted an hour and a half!

I have also learned that you can't make a child do anything. It really is all about relationship.

Some things we just need to learn on our own. But I thank God for women/moms who are willing to share their time and wisdom with me.
Thank you Julie!

Free Character Building Tools!

I am so excited to announce (in case you haven’t already heard), that Focus on the Family has created a character building tool for parents to use at home! All of the materials are downloadable and FREE!

Have a look for yourself!

Kids of Integrity

www.kidsofintegrity.com

Little Life Lessons - Peacemaker

I made this little book for my son to teach him what it means to be a peacemaker. He loved it!

Now throughout the day when I see him giving up something for his sister or for talking through a conflict, I tell him, "That's wonderful that you did that! You are a peacemaker."



We read this book during reading time before bed or naptime. Let me know how it affects your family. I love to hear. Also let me know if there is anything you think I should change in it.



I have more books that teach godly character on the way!

Be a Peacemaker Instead of a Troublemaker