Update on Willful Submission

A few posts back I explained that I was having great difficulty with my four year old daughter and her defiant disobedience. I got some great advice that really has helped. And that is, when she has done something that merits chastisement she is to stay in her room until she has control of herself and needs to come to me when she is ready to be chastised. So that way she is coming under he own will and I am not forcing her to submit but she does it on her own timing and will rather than me forcing her to submit to the chastisement.


It is now a couple months later and (by request of one of my readers) I want to update you on how that process is going.


It really is a process much like all of the parenting and training we do. She still gets into her little funky episodes and for some reason when I first see it I know it will be a long day. They just seem to be whole days that she has a hard time breaking free from attitude and rebellion in her. We are bathing this situation in much prayer! I will say it again.... MUCH PRAYER!


This nugget of wisdom has most positively affected our relationship as mother and daughter. I could really feel us pushing each other way from each other, as I was constantly having to correct her and discipline her and she would just kick it up higher and harder. 


Heart wrenching to a mom. 
Really. She is only 4 years old! What caused this? If I can't mend my relationship with a 4 year old, how in the world will I do it when she is a teenager?


This method of having her come to me for the spanking has
1.) Allowed me to calm down enough to talk her through it and spank in a controlled manner. 
2.) Allowed her to calm herself down to be able to talk to me and open up to me rather than continue to defend and fight and put more walls up.
3.) Allowed a genuine time of repentance, restoration and forgiveness on both parts. Confession is so good and healthy but can only be done when you are in a humble state.
4.) Sparked something in her to continually express her love for me. Even after I spank her. Before, like I said, she was building walls and wasn't given the space and freedom that she needed. Now, throughout the day she will hug me and tell me she loves me. That did not happen before.
5.) Allowed closure to the incident and gives us freedom to move on with our day. It is left behind and forgiven. When I discipline in anger I have a hard time myself letting go of the frustration and anger for the rest of the day. And now that I type this I see that the apple truly doesn't fall far from the tree. Ahem.
6.) Become much less often and takes less time that it did at the beginning. Now it may happen once in a day and last only 10 minutes v.s. the 3 times a day lasting 45 minutes of her struggling and fighting and coming out of her room when she was not ready to be spanked only to be sent back in. You do the math. That really eats up your day and attention away from your other children!


These are what comes to my mind at this point. It really has helped us both and the affect on our family is benefiting as well. Bit by bit I see her becoming more moldable and teachable. That means the world to me. 
I thank God for his involvement and answer to prayer and power over the evil one who longs to have our children. The victory has already been won. Jesus Christ lives, rules and reigns in my heart and in our home. Evil of any kind is NOT welcome here. There is a reason it is called a 'Spiritual Battle.'  The enemy at battle does not give up easily. He wants our children. So battle I will.... with God on my side.... I have no fear. If God is for me who can be against me? 

Fighting for Our Daughters

I subscribe to a blog called 'Unplug Your Family."
I am really enjoying it and as a result our family has chosen to be 'Unpluged' from T.V., video games, movies, and even the computer (mom too) every Tuesday. It has been going great. But I realize how hooked we are on that day. When we are unplugged the kids (ages 5, 3 and 1) actually do better with attitudes, imaginary play and I get more accomplished too! Don't get me wrong, it is hard! Like fasting. There have been times when a kid is throwing a fit or is just grumpy and I want to pop in a video to just not deal with it. But I am teaching them some great skills in self control and using their minds to keep them busy and helping them develop better relationships with each other.


Good stuff but the real reason for this post is this article I just read on her blog. 
Fighting for our Daughters is a fantastic read with a wealth of wisdom. If you have a daughter you will want to read this. If you know of someone with a daughter pass it along.


Click here to read it. You will need a few undistracted  moments to fully absorb its wisdom.
Check it out. 

A Short Story that Assulted My Heart

I am reading Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel. It is excellent and I recommend all Christian Partents read it.

There is a reason I am reading this book. I need to show much more grace to my children. I am a hard liner and have high expectations of my children. High expectations can be good but when joy is gone and relationships are being torn down in the process it is not healthy. Constant assessment is necessary. How quickly we forget. I know I need constant reminder. To be gracious and to remember what Christ has done for me ~ a sinner.

I am going to directly quote Dr. Kimmel as to not mess up the story. My question to you is... Are you this kind of parent? or wife for that matter? I am. I need a softer heart. My prayer is Lord, change me. Let me love them. Soften my heart and let me see as you see.

Kimmel writes, "I was sitting in a hotel resturant in Portland, Oregon. It was a Sunday Morning. I was catching a plane around noon, which afforded me the luxury of enjoying a leisurely breakfast. This restaurant offered an all-inclusive breakfast buffet, with a lower price for kids.

A mom arrived with her two children: an infant and a boy approximately four years old. I noticed the boy right away. His face was filled with excitement, and his mouth was running a mile a minute as they circled the buffet line so that Mom could see the options. His mother held the infant while the boy followed along. He could barely contain his excitement. He saw fruit, the varieties of cereal, the pancakes and waffles, and the station where the chef made omelets to your specifications. Then I watched his eyes pop out his head as he studied the trays full o f breakfast "desserts" - blueberry muffins, bear claws, and assorted Danish. This brief chance to watch this enthusiastic boy check out the breakfast buffet quickly became the highlight of my morning. I was watching a boy designed by God take a big breath out of every moment.  He was absolutely in love with his surroundings. He looked like a boy who had gone to food heaven.

The hostess seated Mom and her two kids at the table directly across from me. The waitress filled thier water glasses adn asked if she could bring any coffee for the mother or juice for the kids. She asked if they were going to have the breakfast buffet.

"My husband will be down in a few minutes," the mother replied. "He and I are going to have the buffet. You can bring a bowl of cornflakes and some milk for my boy."

"Mom, no! I want to have the buffet too!" the boy instantly responded. It was obvious that this boy had already mapped out his plan on how he was going to attack this buffet.

"You can't eat all that food. Most of it is just sugar. Forget it," the mom said curtly.

"But Mom, I like that kind of food, that's what I was hoping for. Please?" he pleaded.

"Forget it; you are not having the buffet, so hush up." She turned her back on the boy adn started to tend to her infant.

"Ma'am, for just a dollar and a half more than cornflakes, he could have the buffet," the waitress offered. She could see how anxious the boy was.

"No thanks. He doesn't need all of that food." The look on her face was a clear look of dismissal to the waitress.

As the mother preoccupied herself with her baby, I watched this young boy who had been so filled with excitement start to quietly turn into himself. And then the tears started. His anticipation and excitement had been stilted. I gave the boy credit. He didn't cry out loud. He didn't argue, fuss, or make a scene. He just sat there and quietly hurt.

Dad arrived with the newspaper under his arm, sized up the situation, sat down in his chair and asked the boy why he was crying.
"I wanted to have the buffet, but Mom doesn't want me to."
He turned to his wife. "What's up? Why can't he have the buffet?"
She gave him the same practical and nutritional arguments she'd given the boy a few minutes earlier.

"Look, we're on vacation," Dad said. "He's never had an opportunity to do this before. The difference in cost is chump change. We  can easily afford it.  And as far as  waste goes, what we don't eat they are most likely going to throw away."

There was a brief back-and-forth discussion before the mother gave in and agreed to let the boy have the buffet. His countenance immediately reverted back to that  excited little boy  who made the inital review for food stations. Within a minute, son and father were off to attack the buffet.

I had so much fun watching this boy go from station to station to get a little bit of everything. He saw people  toast their bagels, so he did it, too. He could barely reach the toaster, but an older lady took joy in helping him work it. He got pancakes and a waffle and piled syrup and whipped cream on them. I loved the way he got in the omelet line, waited his turn, and then told the chef what he wanted, which was a little bit of everything. His final trips out were to the dessert station. I say trips because he made two. Before he was done, he had a sampling of each of the little desserts that had been laid out.

Meanwhile, Mom was feeding the baby, and Dad had taken a position at the table where he could spread out his newspaper. When the boy got all that he had been looking forward to having, he commenced to work his way through the breakfast feast.  I was completely enjoying watching this little boy getting to experience this rare treat.

That's when Mom finally finished all feeding responsibilities of her infant and turned to study the various plates of food in front of her son.
And she started.
"Why did you get both pancakes and waffles? And what's with all the whipped cream? You've never had that before. Did you have any idea of what you were putting on this thing?
She got her husband's attention. "Look at all of this. He even got an omelet."
She turned her attention back to the boy. "Why on earth did you order and omelet?" she demanded. "There is no way you can eat all of that." Pointing to the desserts, she said, "You get one, count'em, one of these desserts. Pick the one you want because I'm gonna bring the rest back. Why do you need dessert anyway? It's breakfast, for crying out loud."

As she went through her diatribe, I watched the boy's countenance fall. This time it looked like a combination of helplessness and hopelessness. He tried to eat everything on the assorted plates, but his mother reminded him several times how foolish he had been for getting so much stuff. As promised, she took all but one of the desserts away from him and then berated her husband for not listening to her. Once she ad adequately spoiled everyone's meal with guilt and condescension, she stood up and passed through the buffet line for herself. I just sat there and watched a little boy slowly eating his waffles, whipped cream coming out from the corners of his mouth, with tears streaming down he young face. By the time his mom got back, all the joy had drained from him.

My questions are these: Was it worth it? Is that how God treats us? Does God tease us with good things, insult us for being excited about them, and then scold us for enjoying them? He is a God of Grace......

Eventually this boy will grow up and become a young man heading out on his own. I don't doubt that he'll feel that his mother loved him, but unless she changes the way she's operating, he has little chance of leaving home with secure love - the kind of love that has registered on his heart that his parenets enjoy him just the way he is.


This story struck a chord in my heart. I am very task oriented and thing much like this mom. I need to slow down and THINK about what I am saying, and how it affects others.
In fact, when I was reading this I was sitting in the opening of our mini van door because our youngest had fallen asleep on the way home from church. My husband went in the house with the other two children and he fed them some lunch. I was happy to get a quiet moment to read while the baby slept. After a few minutes of reading. My husband came outside and said, "Here you go!" and happily handed me a sandwich he had prepared for me! Would you believe what I did? I said, "You said that so loud! Now you woke up the baby!"

Oh, my sick and sinful heart. I could have said, "Thank you so much for makeing this for me!"
Instead, I overlooked the sweetness, the joy, the servant heart and pointed out the inconvience and annoyance that I felt.

I don't know about you. But I NEED to work on this. Being a mom can get you trapped in a one track thinking mode. I need to step back and peek inside at the tone I am setting for my family.

I WILL do better! Starting TODAY!

A Reminder for those Difficult Days.

On a particularly tough day with little kids and house of chaos, I sought the support and encouragement from friends. This is one of the responses that touched my heart and brought things back into perspective. I hope it blesses you as it has blessed me.

One day my mother walked into the family room and found most of the Cheerios box dumped out all over the floor. My brother was messing around with something he shouldn't have been, and I was sitting in the middle of the floor with my hand in the Cheerios box. We were about 3 and 4 years old. As she told the story later, she asked herself, "Should I cry now? Should I scold? Or ... should I take a picture?" She took a picture. (This was unlike her. Usually she cried or yelled.) She sat and ate Cheerios with us. Eventually, I suppose she vacuumed them up.


I still have that picture she took of the chaos. I love that picture. That house is long gone. Cheerios are long since cleaned up. My awesome brother and his lovely wife live in a different state. My mother died when I was a teenager, long ago. She was not a perfect mother. Still, I miss her, and I wish she were here. Well, she's not, but I do still have that picture. I'm so glad she chose that option -- admit you don't know what to do, and instead of crying or yelling or scolding about it, take a picture and just sit for a minute. Have a handful of Cheerios.

During a time of challenge with my almost 3 year old I sought council from a friend who has 5 children.

I learned alot in that 1/2 hr conversation.

My little girl was showing signs of anger and rebellion. Yes, two year olds are labeled as 'terrible' but this situation had a power behind it that was beyond what I even had imagined.

We PRAYED. We had our Pastor and Elders PRAY over her, we prayed more. It was ugly. I was in tears and didn't know what had happened to my little girl, how we got to this place and how to get out of it.

Here is what I learned.

My friend's words were.
"This is a time of restoration. Stop all chastisement (for a time) and show her LOVE. Respond differently to her."

Boy was that hard. The behaviors that were so disruptive to our home demanded some sort of correction. But I listened to my friend. I stopped chastising for the rebellion. I spoke softly to her. I sat on the floor more with her. I remained calm.

There was only one thing I would chastise for. Not coming when I called her name.
We practiced (and still do). "When mommy calls your name I want you to come to me and say, 'Okay mom, I am coming!' okay? I will go over here and you wait for me to call you."
For a week we did not leave our house. These issues can not be dealt with when in public can going out so much only allowed these habits to linger on. But that is a post for another day.

Each time she came to me when we practiced, she would get a reward. Sometimes it was an M&M, sometimes a hug, sometimes a high 5! The positive attention was winning back my little girl. I told her. "When you don't obey and don't come when I call you, I will spank you." Rarely does that even happen anymore. I say rarely. I know we will have to keep practicing!

Now, those other deviance's and rebellion do still show up. So instead of spanking her, my friend suggested time out in a confined area. Her bed was too much freedom. She would get out and throw things. The couch was too much freedom. She would flop her body all over and kick and get off the couch.
The solution was an extra 5 point harness car seat we had in storage. I would fasten her in every time there was a blow up. She would stay there until she was calm and her heart was willing to apologize for the offense.

It is working! Thanks be to our Lord who hears our prayers!

The time outs aren't lasting near as long as they used to. (At one time it lasted an hour and a half!

I have also learned that you can't make a child do anything. It really is all about relationship.

Some things we just need to learn on our own. But I thank God for women/moms who are willing to share their time and wisdom with me.
Thank you Julie!

Mother's Day 2010

I want to wish all my lovely readers a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day! In honor of this day, I wanted to post an article that blessed me in hopes that you too will be refreshed and refocused on the high calling of mothers....enjoy!


Reclaiming the Lost Vision of Motherhood






O' for mothers to hold in their hands a child who's soul is eternal and to grasp the vision of changing the world through her mothering as she purposes toward multigenerational faithfulness.

To look into the eyes of her child and know that God has put a purpose for that child here on earth--to advance the kingdom of heaven-- which is glorifying the Father he serve's above. Mothers also put on earth for royal purposes, to raise children for the King. Shaping and molding them to become one day warriors for the Lord. Who will not just feed the poor in secret but also help direct and change the course of a nation. History has proven time and time again, that one person can change the course of history. You never know who you might be raising. Susannah Wesley never knew the child she rocked in the cradle would take England by storm. John Wesley started a movement and said, "If I can find ten men who hate nothing but sin, love nothing but God, and seek nothing but the souls of men, we can turn England upside down for God." This man, did indeed with the help from God, turned England upside down for God.


Mothers, do we understand that what is done in the four walls of our home--that it is holy work done to the Lord? As we teach that small child to stand, are you praying that one day he will stand strong for the Lord against wickedness? As you teach him to walk, are you teaching them to walk to the lost and preach the gospel? When you teach them to read, are you telling them that one day they will read the Word to the masses and that lives will be transformed forever?

In other words are you raising your children to be world changers? Yesterday I gathered all my children together and shared with them how God gave them life for the soul purpose of changing the world---for HIM. Who is the child who understands his purpose in life---his calling? Where is the child who has been whispered to and reminded that he will one day change the world since he was a wee babe? How would our lives have been different had our mothers embraced such a vision?


As mothers we need to equip our children well to do the work the Lord has assigned for them to do. We must diligently teach scripture, we must teach godly character, we must teach love for the Lord and the lost without growing discouraged ourselves for we have the Masters work at hand, an honorable and momentous responsibility! We must understand that lost souls could be at stake and nations could be destroyed if we do not fulfill this high calling of motherhood. We cannot simply render ourselves weary and ultimately give up.

Do you notice that little boy who is playing in the sandbox? He might very well be the world's next church planter. That little girl in the corner who is quietly playing dolls might one day raise a martyr for Christ. The little baby in your arms whom you cradle today could very well go to Africa one day and share the gospel to the lost tribes.

I am convinced that the greatest world changers have not been written about in history books, and that only God knows who they are. They are God's best kept secrets. They are the unnoticed people in society-the old man you brushed by walking to the store today. They are the ones who do great and mighty works in private where only He sees. They are the ones that make a difference through the one small, powerful act that the Lord had assigned them to. These will be richly rewarded in Heaven for their faithfulness---we will find them seated at the right hand of Christ in Heaven!


Our lasting influence impacts future generations through our children, our grandchildren and great grandchildren whether for good or for evil. Which are you raising for the Lord? Descendants who could be an army to take the world by storm or descendants who build up alters to false gods? We must revive the vision of multigenerational faithfulness! We cannot change our homes through the efforts of our flesh---it comes from grace and power from God alone---but we are required to do our part. We cannot fall short of this glorious vocation because our Lord has called us to it. And where He calls us to- we must obey.

Now in of honor those great mothers who have come before us who have sacrificed their lives, gave unselfishly, wept in the dark to the Savior and persevered to the end---we applaud you! You have paved the way for us behind you! The Lord has used you as a mighty instrument in His hand and you are surely called blessed among your children. Your dedication has lasting power that is the sweet aroma of Jesus Christ.

God certainly uses the weak to shame the strong. And he uses ordinary people who serve an amazing God that has extraordinary plans to help us reclaim our vision for motherhood and build a godly nation for Him.


Article can also be viewed at A WISE WOMAN BUILDS HER HOME

A Reminder to Myself

They are adults for a long period of time than they are children.

Enjoy TODAY.
Kiss them more,
Hug them longer,
Laugh a little harder,
Listen a more sincerely,
Play with their favorite toys...

Take lots of pictures!

Lord, we thank you for the children you have placed in our care. We pray that we would honor you as we spend each moment with them. Please give us today the tools we need to teach them what will prepare them for life and godliness. These little people are a joy to this sad and sinful world. Protect our little ones, today and all the days of their lives. Keep watch over them always as we know you love them much more than we could ever love them. Thank you for each beautiful gift...our children.

In Jesus great and beautiful name,
Amen

What you do today affects the future

"Discipline isn't just about winning or losing.
Every power struggle offers you the opportunity
to connect with your child or disconnect.
The relationship you will have with your child
when he's an adolescent
lies in the words and actions you use today.
Ultimately your real power is in that emotional bond."
--Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Kids, Parents and Power Struggles

What is this mess!

When the your kids make a mess. STOP. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. Are they enjoying themselves? Are they being creative? Are they experimenting and learning? It is freeing to allow them to discover things on their own through play. Yes they will need to clean up after themselves but atleast allow them to soak up their childhood.
When I walk into an area that screams out "I AM AN ABSOLUTE MESS!" I can have confidence that someone had fun here!

I Got Paid Today!

Paid? You may be wondering just how a stay at home mom (SAHM) gets paid.
This is how.

Actual Occurrence:

Mom takes three little ones to the Public Library. Children are ages 4 years, 2 years and 4 months.

While at the library another mom observes her child and how all of the kids are interacting with each other. This mom says to me (paycheck time!), "Your kids are so polite!"

At that moment I was not sure what to say. It caught me off guard. Not that my kids are all that bad... it is just that it was a huge compliment to me.

I have posted about it before but this is what has worked WONDERS for our family.

When one child wants something that another child has, Grabbing is Not allowed. If you want it, ask for it kindly by saying, "May I have a turn?" The child who has the item can respond in two ways, 1) Yes you may
or 2)You may when I am finished.
It still surprises me when I see it work.
100% of the time grabbing causes trouble.
95% of the time asking kindly they get what they want with peace.

When they need a little coaxing I simply say, "Are you choosing to be peacemaker or a trouble-maker?"

This works for our family. I know that combinations of personality styles as well as other factors has lots to do with it. It certainly pays to be consistant and to not give up. Ah, how rewarding it is when they use it and (humbly) when others see the fruit of your labor. When others see it, it is an opportunity for me to share how we got to that point. I can assure you it doesn't just happen naturally.

Arrows

It is truly an amazing thing to be a parent. It may not always feel amazing, but it always is amazing. I’ve lately been looking into my family heritage and I’ve been touched by the things I’ve found. I’ve found Christians and pagans, rulers and slaves, individuals who changed the world and others who let the world change them. I’ve been struck by the variety and also the similarities. Probably few of those I have researched ever imagined that some quirky descendant hundreds of years after them would be reading their life story on Wikipedia! That’s one of those amazing things about having children: Legacy.

Truly the Psalmist said it aright when he penned that, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord” and they are “like arrows in the hands of a warrior.” After all, what exactly do arrows in the hands of a warrior do but go beyond that warrior? They shoot from the warrior’s position and accomplish what the warrior cannot from his location. They are more than knife or sword that stay with the warrior. They fly from the hands reaching places we cannot reach and perhaps never even imagined.

I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want for my children. I want to them to go beyond me, to accomplish more than I have, to experience more of all God has for them. But why is it that so many only seem to repeat history? I’m afraid a good amount of the responsibility could go to the warrior. After all, he was the one who was aiming and shooting. While children eventually have all the responsibility for what they chose to do in life, the warrior has some responsibilities while the arrow is still in his hands!

The Arrow. While we are not expecting to release perfect “arrows” or children, we need to be inspecting them and, to the best of our ability, be smoothing out the barbs and flaws we can see. Of course, we are not God and we are dependent on Him to do the heart-work in our children, but we are responsible to help our children in being prepared to fly — not only in the natural areas, but also the spiritual. We need to be the ones instructing our children in righteousness. We need to be seeking the Lord, listening for Him to tell us what He wants us to work on with our children. When my arrows fly off the bow, I want them to fly straight, not wavering because they were not smoothed well by me.

The Target. Where are our arrows flying to? Are we just releasing them without aiming them, hoping they will hit something … anything? We need to be training and encouraging our children in the direction they are headed. Again, this needs to be our focus not just in the natural, but also the spiritual. Does your child have a career aspiration you can help him/her develop? Does your child have a ministry calling you can help him/her launch? What are your child’s hopes for the future? What are his/her spiritual gifts? Your children will go far when they are released with purpose!

The Shot. When shooting a bow and arrow, we must have sure footing, careful aim, strength to go the distance and the skill to let go at the proper time. What is the foundation you are standing on as you shoot your arrows? When we have a foundation other than the Word of God, we will be shooting in vain. What is your aim? Speak words of life and hope over your children. Do you have the strength? When we are too busy and distracted to take aim and shoot with purpose and strength, I’m not sure we can expect to hit the target or even send the arrow flying. Are you ready to release? Releasing either too soon or too late will negatively affect your arrow’s flight. Release too soon and it won’t fly far. Release too late and it will drop at your feet.

Yes, being a parent is amazing. So much hangs on what we do. There is so much purpose and calling locked up in each child and the Lord calls upon us to help release it! I want my children to be instruments of change in the world. That’s what legacy is all about. So fly, my arrows, FLY!

SCRIPTURE:

“For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just.” Genesis 18:19


Post by Ami Loper under Parenting/Society, Spiritual Life
Growing Kids

Respecting Sons

I found the most beautiful blog! The writer is full of wisdom and love for our Lord Jesus Christ!

One of her recent posts is called Respecting Sons. In detail explains what we mom's can do TODAY to build sons who will grow to be confident men who lead as the Lord has designed them.

This blog is so full of great wisdom! Check it out!

First Time Obedience Training

Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? FIRST time obedience? Sign me (my kids) up!

We start this process in our home when the kids are around 15 months old but there is never a time when it is too late to start, it may just sound a little different at various ages.
This is how it works. You want to train your children to come to you every time you call their name. Not only that, you want to hear them respond with "Yes Mom, I am coming." Or something like it. My husband and I prefer, "Here I come mom," or, "Okay mom, I am coming." So, say 3 year old Joey is in his room playing and I call, "Joey" from down the stairs. Joey should be trained to respond quickly with words and action.... "Yes mom! (verbal acknowledgement of your call), I am coming (physical acknowledgment)." Once the child has come to you, you can speak to them rather than yelling up the stairs to say what you wanted to say. Then once you give your instruction (ex. It is time to pick up your sister from dance class, I want you put your socks and shoes on now), you can then wait for a verbal agreement (okay mom).

Side note: Results in successful follow through to a command is 95% higher if the instruction was given in a speaking tone and done face to face verses yelling from a distance.

You are looking to have them come to the call of their name 100 % of the time. This will take time and training but it is possible. Because of our natural sin nature you may want to bump that percentage down to 98% but aim high sin is no excuse. Once you have this established you will need to continue working on it. Just like anything we teach our kids, they need constant reminders and refreshers. The magic in this little game is it spills over into all other interactions all day long. The key is you get eye to eye contact and a verbal acknowledgement and in the end a verbal agreement. In Bible times verbal agreements are heavy and sincere commitments. We are looking to have our children obey and follow through.

As you are training them make a game out of it. Tell them, we are going to play a game to practice coming when I call your name. I want you to go over there (or into the next room - somewhere where they will hear you call) and I will call your name. When you hear me I want to you say "Yes mom, I am coming!" and then come running to me. When they do this (if they are 2 -5 years old) all they need is a great verbal reward for playing the game. My kids love it. I try to use different tones and sing songy sounds each time I call them. They come running and I give them a hug or a high five. Then when I call them and it is not the 'game' they seem happy to do it!

If you are training a very young one who can't verbalize yet. What you do is say their name from across the room and then go to the child take them by the hand and lead them back to where you were when you called them. And say, 'say, coming." or "okay."

Sometimes I will call them throughout the day just to see if they do it. When they get to me, I tell them, "I just wanted to tickle your belly." They eat it up!

Now, what do you do if they don't come or say okay mom. Well, if you really want to see first time obedience, you will need to decide on a consequence. For us, since they are all 3 and under I tell them, "Opps! That's not what you are suppose to say. Let's try that again." And they usually choose a better way the second time. If there is absolute defiance, I will have them sit on the couch quietly and when I decide, I will call them to me. Their response at this point will tell me if they are ready to move on.

It is fascinating to me that this one thing spills over into all other instruction you give. Eventually they will not only say okay to coming but they will say okay to the instruction you give once they get to you. And if they don't simply tell them how they should respond. This is training. We parents need not feel bad for putting words in their mouths. We are training their actions, words, thought patterns and attitudes.
When they are young tell them how to think, and what to think, what to say and how to say it. They need us! Now go train and have fun doing it!

Invisible Woman

Here is an encouraging word for you! This video was sent to me at the perfect time! I was at home trying to be the authority figure in a home of an almost 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 week old! Believe it or not, my 3 week old regularly ties me to the couch (nursing) while my 2 year old strips herself to her cute cubby bare naked bum while my 3 year old decides he wants to be a super hero and fly from his bed to the other side of the room. When dad comes home at 6:30pm, I am ready to play hide and seek in a place that NO ONE will find me!

What I am learning during this time is that this is a test of how well they obey when I speak and not physically lead them to obey. Needless to say, first time obedience training will be revisited in our home!

Whatever your situation at home or in your own skin, I pray you are encouraged by this insightful and encourageing video.

Wondering if you should have more children?

This is and eye opener! It also has shown me that whether I have more children or not is not a matter of my ideas but God's! Let's look at HIS will and HIS plan. How do WE fit into that? Your every decision does matter!

Please make time to watch this SHOCKING VIDEO - "Muslim Demographics"

"Muslim Demographics" Video -(8 mins) - very worthwhile to watch.
Here is the link below-

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My twin sister is single and sometimes sad about that. One of her recent blog posts says.....

"Some days I would like to come home to somebody.

Somedays."

To which I respond.....

Some days I'd like to come home to nobody.

Some days.

Every day I would like to go to the bathroom without someone looking to see if I did a pee pee.

Most days I'd like to take a shower and be able to shave both legs on the same day without feeling guilty that I am taking too long.

Most days I would like to talk on the phone without being covered in stickers and not even realizing it.

There are hang ups to both.

Thank God..... we are never alone because we have HIM!

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Learning in the Car

Time in our cars with the kids can be times of invaluable conversation and getting to know what is going on in the mind of your child.

I get a weekly email from Life With Your Kids and I really liked this weeks ideas so I thought I'd share them with you.
The article is below but be sure to explore this mom's wonderful blog and site. She is rich with wisdom in how to raise godly children.

Learning in the Car
Even when we try and reduce our busyness and stay at home more we still find ourselves in the car often. This time can be wasted time or it can be used to our fullest advantage.
We have this opportunity with our children every day that we get in the car and yet our eyes are so often on the destination, on the chores that we need to accomplish that we miss the relationship building opportunities, we miss the discipleship moments.
Over the years we have used travelling time, be it a short 15minute run to town or an hours drive to visit friend, or a day’s travelling as we drive to the city, we have used this time to train our children and to build memories.
Training
When Nomi was a baby we would spend whole days in town. We had preschool for Josh, Nomi had doctor appointments and we would wrap up the day by going to the pool (crazy idea but that is what I would do regularly!!) By the time we bundled into the car to head home the kids would be far beyond. They would be snarky with each other, they would be grumpy. Often we drove home with the two kids (4yo and 3yo) with their hands over their mouths (this was to remind them if they couldn’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all) or they would be sitting on their hands (which was to remind them that their hands were to be used for blessing others not hurting!) These were physical reminders that gave them practice in the things that they needed to learn.
Another situation we often enforce (even now with older children) is complete silence as we drive home. This is like Room Time, or rest time. We get so overwhelmed (or hyped up) or we become so tired while we are out and about that sometimes we just need time to ourselves. The car is as good a room as any. If we were home, they would be in their bedrooms, so we just use the car as a room. This also works when we are out and about and they need to ‘find’ their self control. They go to the car – it offers privacy and space to do some thinking.
There is so much we can do in the area of training our children while we travel – we can question our children to see what they know and understand, we can tell stories that have a lesson to learn, we can paint scenarios for them to consider, we can practice the things we are learning.

Education
Driving in the car also gives us opportunity to continue our children’s education – to engage their brains.
We listen to stories or seminars on CD or someone reads aloud
We play language, math or general knowledge games

We have discussions
One of our favourite things to do is to see pictures in the clouds. We only have clouds in the sky for the ‘wet season’ which is on its way now so we are back again enjoying this activity together.
I like to ask one child to talk about something he is reading. Though it is a good time for me to catch up with his thinking it is also good for all the children to listen and ask questions. It is an opportunity to be together as a family, and show interest in each other’s interests and learning.
If we are heading into town to do town chores then it is a good opportunity to talk to the children about that aspect of life. We may talk about banking, the building industry, services versus providers, the fireman, the postman, the baker. The children need to understand how all these things fit together, how Daddy’s money fits into the picture, how technology has made our life easier (harder?). They need to be aware of the decisions processes that go on in our head, how we compare one company to another, how we organise our way around town, how we prioritise things. As we discuss what is going on in our head, it opens up all sorts of conversations with our children.
Our children always, always, take a book with them when we go anywhere. This has been helpful for the times I get caught up either in a shop, or with someone I meet in the street. The children can use their time wisely by reading.

Memories
We live in a remote part of Australia and driving long distance is a part of normal life. We have learnt that the drive is as much a part of our holiday (or day out) as the destination. This means we consider each other’s needs during the day instead of the attitude that we grin and bear the drive and enjoy life when we get there.
When we head out of town, driving to Darwin for our holidays, we always play a particular CD. We play one CD leaving town, and then just down the track we play another CD. Always! This is tradition! We reverse the order of these two CD’s on our return trip. Music plays a big part in us enjoying our travel.
One of the things that we do, is encourage photography so if someone sees a great shot then we stop. I always tell the story that my Grandma used to say “Oh, that would have made a lovely picture” 10 minutes after we had passed by. It drove my dad nuts! So we have decided to say it then and there and the driver, if possible, will stop.

Relationship Building
We can take this opportunity, of being in a car together, to get to know each other just like Peter and I did way back when we were engaged.
We can talk to the children about the things that are precious on our heart, our beliefs, our dreams, our hopes
We can invite our children to share the things that are on their heart
We can take a moment to address heart issues (this is best done one on one)
We can teach about God – either drawing from the things we drive past or from something on our heart
We can tell stories of our past, building their heritage
Talking and shared experiences are the building blocks in getting to know people. We need to get to know our children, and our children need to get to know us.

Driving in the car may simply be a necessity in your life but I encourage you to start seeing it as a tool you can use to reach your discipleship goals in your family. Take a moment this weekend to think through the driving opportunities in your family and how you can use them train, educate, build memories and strengthen relationships.

My BIGGEST Pet Peve - as a mom

Okay, this isn't funny! I am looking for ANY solution and I am hoping my readers can help.

Are you ready to hear my absolute biggest eerk of all of parenthood thus far!

Nap time horror story. It is when you put your toddler to bed and she falls asleep beautifully. Then after a couple of story books, the preschool goes to bed. He talks, sings, claps, and then calls out persistently, "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy....." and on he goes until mommy comes in and it isn't the mommy he was hoping to see. He gets the hint and quickly falls asleep. Seconds later, his toddler sister (who has been sleeping for 20 minutes) is shrieking in tears because she was prematurely woken up!




Some may say, just go in and tell her to go back to sleep. Okay, not this child. She WILL NOT! She is up and she will stay up. By 4 o'clock she will have turned into a pumpkin!

What is a mom to do? Wake the sleeping child to hear his sisters cries?
I am stumped. Can you offer any wisdom? Other that call the babysitter quick and get out of the house?

Watch your: Thoughts, Words, Actions, Habits, Character

This would be a great tool for our children (and parents to memorize)
You could have a leader say the first half of the phrase and everyone else
completes the phrase.
I love teaching my children great sayings to live by. I also love seeing them live it out! How happy our Father in heaven is when we do the same!


Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Just a few thoughts...

My children are ages 4 and 2 and one on the way. I was thinking today...
'I am having so much fun with them at this age, I don't want this to end.'

Then there are days when I long for them to help with chores and be responsible enough to play in the back yard without me and buckle their own seat belt and put on their own shoes... the list goes on.

I once heard a very true statement that says it all.

"When the children are young, the days are long but the years are short."